I had no idea until we went on vacation this last week how badly my soul needed a break. A breather from the barrage of work tasks and emails, ministry to-dos, and book launch craziness. To put the schedule on pause—the appointments, the concerts, the constant taxiing of children all over creation. All those things that have multiplied and squeezed themselves onto every square inch of our family calendar.
But as badly as I needed the break, the moving from a fast-forward crazy mama pace to turtle speed was jarring. It felt weird … and wonderful … all mixed into one jumbled space of time. It was an unexpected gift—but one I almost didn’t know what to do with. Like a woman dealing with an addiction, I kept grabbing for my phone, thinking of things that needed to be checked on, notes to be added, items and events to be organized. My brain couldn’t relax. It couldn’t stop its constant whirring, humming, and buzzing. It was like my body and my brain were afraid to relax. Because what ifsomething was forgotten? What if something wasn’t covered or re-scheduled properly? What if I let others down? What if I’d missed something in preparing for this trip? What if, what if, WHAT IF ???
After several days of struggle and loss of sleep, I finally let the noise of my heart and my head go. I didn’t want to lose the preciousness of time with my family, but that’s exactly what I was doing. Like water through fingertips or sand through an hourglass.
So with intention, with purposeful do-nothing-ness, I released my grasp of crazy mama control and entered into full soul sabbath vacation mode. I breathed deeply and I laughed enthusiastically. I said yes to bike rides and boogie boarding and snorkel adventures. I climbed into tippy kayaks, and tried my hand at cornhole, and ate way too much ice cream and coconut.
And I wore a swimsuit. Every. Single. Day. I know! Me!!! The self-proclaimed hater of all things swimsuits.
It felt luxuriously rebellious to ignore social media and tune out the world for a week. No extra voices inside my head. No images to compare my children, my work, ministry, or my marriage to. It felt liberating. Uncomplicated. And soulfully refreshing. Only one slight teeny tiny problem: it also wasn’t our everyday reality.
We’re home now. And I’m feeling a little lost as we move back into the craziness. Does it need to be this messy? This noisy? This chaotic? How do I carry some of last week’s sabbath revelations with me? The intentional living? The focused fixed attention on my family and my surroundings?
Instead of making the lists long once again, I’m itching to simplify them. To purposefully push aside what distracts my heart in favor of what fills it.
I know the value of online community and see the need for encouragement and connection, so I’m not suggesting we should all throw our phones away, I just want to figure out a way to do the things I need to do without turning my heart into a tangled mess again. I want to do a better job of practicing healthy habits in the everyday so my soul doesn’t have to wait until it’s on vacation to fully rest. But more than anything, I want to demonstrate to my children that my faith and my family are my top priority. Not social media. Not work. Not endless to-dos.
So there my phone sits. Clear across the room. Waiting for the right moment to reacquaint me with the rest of the world. Pretty sure a few more minutes apart won’t hurt our relationship.
Does this concept of soul rest resonate with you? If so, check out our new book, SHINY THINGS: Mothering on Purpose in a World of Distractions releasing April 16th, 2019. And guess what? There’s still time to preorder a copy and claim your free gift! So grab a copy today. Your future self will thank you.